Why Every Exchange Needs to Be Mutual

Entrepreneurs on the whole — the good sort, the purpose-led ones doing it for love — tend to be net givers.

They want to serve. They want to contribute time and knowledge. They want to provide value, and they understand that leadership is about service, and that gains arise when you provide more value than what you charge.

But a very important lesson I have learned from over-giving is that every exchange needs to be of mutual benefit — in the spirit of mutual upliftment, partnership and collaboration. Otherwise, it's extraction. This is different from when you pay for a service or receive payment because then it's clear that the payment is in return for a service but often collaborations, partnerships and working relationships are built on a non-monetary basis. This is the same as a relationship or friendship where even when people don't communicate expectations - they exist.

Value extraction from entrepreneurs is providing free value for an intangible and not properly understood outcome. Entrepreneurs need to value their time, knowledge and experience. If you are not charging for something, there still needs to be a mutual exchange — whether that's validation, public support, feedback, testimonials, visibility, access or co-building.

I am not advocating giving to get something. That kind of transitional interaction is cynical and not based in good-faith.

But often, if expectations are not set out in advance, there can be a sense of unequal distribution of benefits — and frankly, one person feeling they have not been appreciated for their contribution.

I always give wholeheartedly with the expectation that any partner or collaborator will meet me with the same intent and enthusiasm. However, what I have learned is that it's best not to assume outcomes.

If you have an expectation from an engagement or any relationship based on non-monetary exchange, make sure you spell out what is expected from each party, by when, and the terms on which you are prepared to give of your time and energy.

Because one thing entrepreneurs don't have is time — and especially time that is badly spent, unacknowledged, or doesn't result in a feeling of it being worthwhile.

That doesn't mean you are looking to "get" something material or even specific. It may be as simple as being thanked publicly, supported visibly, and developing a friendship that is supportive for the rest of your journey.

The lesson is without knowing your expectations, however basic, don't rely on them being implicitly understood.

Make it clear what you expect. Its ok to ask outright whether certain things will be done and by when - and then follow-up to make sure the other party is delivering their end and you are not left holding the baby alone.