Why Founders Leave Stuff Behind

The founder's journey is a unique and awkward path. Most people don't understand it because, quite sanely, they value peace, fun, leisure and relationships. Founders are not a monolith, and of course they are not robots, so they also value these things. However, they are both driven by a broader vision and also a frighteningly narrow focus at the same time. This strange combination, a focus on a future no one sees and a tunnel-visioned, short-sighted approach to the present, means they approach life, decisions, relationships, pleasure, enjoyment and satisfaction from a fundamentally different frame of reference and seem to prioritise very different things.

Even if they started off sharing many of the values and goals of the people around them, the very nature of the journey draws them further and further away from the people, environment and values they started with. The things they go through, the resilience they build and the sheer requirement to absorb so much pain and constant learning all contribute to that change. Often this isn't a conscious choice. It's a by-product of the journey and of having to prioritise different types of things. Staying in to work, rather than going out on a weekend, becomes a choice that moves them in one direction, for example. These kinds of choices compound, weekend after weekend, day after day, and so it becomes inevitable that they end up in a totally different place from where they started.

At a very deep level, founders need to shift their identity, core beliefs and fundamental values, not even just to succeed, but simply to survive. People are drawn to and resonate with others who share similar values. So it is no surprise that entrepreneurship redefines and restructures   relationships - to people and an environment.

For founders who haven't already experienced this, there may be people who become angry, remain in denial about shifting priorities, call them snobbish or selfish, or are simply baffled by how much they have changed. And the truth is that they have changed, even without realising it. It happens slowly yet surely, and is often more immediately apparent to others than to the founder themselves.

Alongside grieving an old self, an old life and relationships that didn't make it, there is also a period of walking alone that no one warns them about. It falls between where they were and where they are going. But on the other side is a different view. They look back at what they left behind and can't even recognise that version of themselves. And although their life isn't always necessarily better, it is usually different in a way that feels like, ultimately, it was always meant to be this way.